On the Eternal Munificence of Earth and the Gross Perversion of Money
In the beginning all was formless and void, and darkness covered the face of the deep, and the spirit of the Master Poet hovered over the abyss. And the Master Poet, raising a golden dandelion to his nose, sneezed, and a great and mighty bang was unleashed upon the emptiness. From this eruption the heavens and the earth sprung; a deep crepuscular blue filled the void and an hysterical waltz ensued. The incandescent birth filled the aether with longing, in the fires of creation the primordial seed. Space trembled and buckled, stretched and boiled; from the gases the elements formed, and when the gases cooled the void was bespeckled with atoms, stars, planets and galaxies, all forged in a fierce choreography of cosmic chaos. Galaxies flowered resplendent from the darkness, in this grand ballet ancient and eternal secrets unleashed, a vast and unknowable genesis revealed.
A billion years passed. Then another. Five more, and five again. A trillion forms took shape, all dreamed up by the Master Poet, stromatolites and algae, perminerals and archaea, and the plants, ginkgos and horsetails and cycads… then came the living beings, dreamed too by the Creator, who dreamed of the tides and the seas moved, and he dreamed the coelacanth and the nautilus and the lamprey, and the whale and starfish and manatee, and all the glorious things of the sea he dreamed. And when his dreaming of the sea was done, he dreamed of sand and limestone and quartz, opal and amber, phosphates and the earthworm, and soon he had dreamed up the earth.
Another billion years went by and the dinosaurs were born. They too passed. Then the animals came, two by two from the ark of the Master Poet, zebra and macaques and armadillos and civets, and all the four-legged creatures besides. And fourteen billion years after the Master Poet sneezed, one of them stood up straight.
From the dusk of stars he came, his atoms formed in the first cold explosion, his body composed of silicon carbide, graphite and nanodiamonds, and carbon and magnesium and hydrogen and lithium, all of it breathed by the Master Poet in the very forge of creation.
Aye, from all the fires of holy chaos he was moulded; now alive on this spinning rock, billions of years into the heavenly cosmos and with eternity at his back, here he stands on this green and holy earth.
Man.
2023. Random human induction and indoctrination port, somewhere on Earth.
Celestial attendant
Good day, sir. Welcome to Earth. How may we assist you today?
Human
A blessed day to you, good angel. I am honoured to have been invited. I’m here to collect my pass.
Celestial attendant
Ah, yes. Blessed you are indeed. What a glory it is you’ve made it. Have you read our introductory flyer on the miracle of the evolution of the cosmos?
Human
I have, sister. It is a miracle. A thousand miracles.
Celestial attendant
(eyes wide with awe)
And have you comprehended, brother, the vast improbability of your being here at all, and all the incredible potentialities that had to occur in just such a way that the atomic universe align to make your existence a possibility?
Human
I owe everything to the Creator.
(bows his head, then lifts it to heaven in a gesture of reverence)
We give thanks by our very being.
Celestial attendant
(with the subtlest of Mona-Lisa smiles)
Praise be to the Creator, brother. Now, let me just get your welcome pack ready…
Human
(looks through the glass dome into the resplendent green paradise beyond)
I hear it’s like nothing one can even imagine…
Celestial attendant
You have no idea, brother…
Human
A paradise of plenty with all that man requires: every valley, every glen and every lake a heavenly cornucopia, each laden with all that a body needs, with fish and fowl and seed and berry, and salad and fruit and water and honey, and all things the Creator has dreamed up for his children…
Celestial attendant
(scribbling distractedly)
Oh yes… of course, you’ll need your tokens.
Human
(confused)
Tokens, sister?
Celestial attendant
Your tokens, brother. Can’t do nothing without your tokens.
Human
Sister, you will have to explain — what are these ‘tokens’ you refer to?
Celestial attendant
Your random-and-intrinsically-worthless tokens, dear brother. You cannot do anything without them on our glorious green earth.
Human
Random-and-intrinsically-worthless tokens, sister? But what do they do?
Celestial attendant
You need them. To eat. To drink. To take shelter and to find a mate. Sometimes, you need them to take a shit.
Human
(now perplexed)
What is this my ears hear, sister? You mean, on this good earth, where all grows for the benefit of humankind, that we are not free to make use of the Creator’s bounty?
Celestial attendant
(takes out a twenty-euro note, slaps it on the counter)
Once we operated in gold and silver. We’re currently on paper.
(smiles beatifically)
But soon we’ll be moving to central bank digital tokens.
Human
(lifts note, sniffs it)
But sister, what is this abomination?
Celestial attendant
This sir, is your random-and-intrinsically-worthless token. Oh there’s more where that came from, brother, don’t you worry about that.
Human
(stutters)
I-I need this? I must, I h-have to —
Celestial attendant
Trade for all goods, sustenance and services, yes. No one eats, drinks, sleeps, defecates, takes a seat or makes a journey without it.
Human
(looks at green paradise beyond the glass dome. Looks at the note in his hand. Looks at the celestial attendant, mouth open, tears welling in his eyes)
Celestial attendant
If you would, sign here, here and here please…
Human
(picks up pen)
I feel something is very wrong, sister… I have a terrible, terrible knot in my gut…
Celestial attendant
(licks her thumb, proceeds to count out notes)
Would you like some information on our Lifetime Personal Equity ISAs, brother?
